The Guilt of Having a Period

I had a list of things to do today, but then I got my period...

I was going to get in the pool, but then I got my period...

I was going to wear white pants (crazy person), but then I got my period...

These all sound like the things you'd hear in a period commercial. Yes, they happen in real life, but they're not the full story. Now, I'm not a doctor or a gynecologist, so don't take my opinions as facts for any issues that may require proper medical attention. I'm not even getting into the technical nuggets of what a period is. As I lay in bed, unable to physically do anything but type out this article without aggravating my cramps, I'd like to talk about the emotions that come with having a period. That's right. Time to bring out Shame, Guilt, and Frustration!

Shame

One of my first memories of having a period was learning to use a pad and then learning the millions of secret ways you can carry it to the bathroom. By the 8th grade, I thought I was a master of deception when it came to hiding my bright yellow period pads. Never mind the obvious outline that it made in the back pocket of my tight, black pants. I was also shamed into not using tampons because they would "destroy my womanhood". As if popping the freshness seal on my vagina was worse than me bleeding for 4-5 days straight every month for the rest of my young life and having to use bulky pads. Because of this, I didn't use a tampon until college and by then it felt like I was doing something wrong. Both of these experiences made me feel an immense amount of shame. Never mind the glaring acne, insatiable mood swings, and the constant troupe of women being "emotionally sensitive" on their periods. Fun fact: I cry all the time over anything, so it has nothing to do with my bleeding vajayjay. While some of us know this at our core, we still feel ashamed for having intense emotional outbursts for being in pain and are treated less than for it. Cramps aren't a good enough excuse to get empathy from a superior, even if that person is a woman. Periods are just a part of life, so we have to just endure it. Enter the feeling of guilt.

Guilt

Okay, this is the real reason why I started writing this. Remember how I started this article saying that I had a list of shit to do? That part was 100% true. I had planned to spend some time scheduling out marketing content and filming a yoga sequence for Cosmic Child Studios. I was gonna fold the laundry and clean my house up a little. Maybe even write another script or two and finally listen to the voiceovers I got waiting in my email for the next episode of Crystal Myth. But no. I woke up like I was in a horror movie with my legs painted red and a serial killer stabbing me from the inside. My entire body aches in random places from fatigue and anything from a laugh to a cough sets off a wave of crippling abdominal pain. Needless to say, laying in my bed was all that survived the list. And despite all of these valid reasons for being unable to move, I still spent an hour trying (and failing) to go on about my day like normal. Once I accepted that I couldn't, the guilt sat in. My inner dialogue turned on me, calling me weak for not being able to sit in a chair and work. It spiraled into triggers about money and debt and letting the family down. And this isn't the first time this has happened. I've called out of work several times over the years because of my intense period cramps and had to lie about being sick because, again, being on your period isn't a valid excuse. The wave of guilt that I have felt about this has lessened in size after I've been able to reaffirm through myself, and others, that intense abdominal pain, fatigue, and excessive bleeding from your genitals sound like all valid reasons to be on bedrest for a day or two. And that's when our final emotion peaks, frustration.

Frustration

So, everything I've brought up so far sounds pretty logical and should be common sense. But how many of us can't call out from work and need to push through the pain with the use of painkillers? How many of us understand that rest is needed logically but feel restless when we can't put it into practice? The frustration of trying to conceal our blood, physical pain, and our emotional state while we're out in public is extremely exhausting. And yet, our society finds itnecesary and keeps the dialogue going about the right and wrong ways to feel about having a period. Generations upon generations of frustrated women. And to top off the frustration, we have to pay for the tools to combat this bloody curse. No free box of tampons or pads or silicone cup-thingys from the government. Not even a tax break. But hey, at least we get different flow options and variety packs for an average of $8-$15+. Hope you're not allergic to chemicals coating your lady parts for a few days. Because if you can't afford the "organic" brands, then that's all you have to choose from.

Now, that all sounded bleak and very complainy. Shouldn't I be offering solutions to the problem and maybe telling you to go send a letter to an important figure to change this way of thinking? Maybe. But I didn't come on here to talk about injustice. That's someone else's fight and I support them with my heart and soul. I wrote this article for you, the period survivors who feel the same way as I do, so you know you're not alone or crazy for feeling this way. I don't have the answers on how to fix this dialogue on a larger scale, but mastering your inner dialogue is a great place to start.

Whenever any of these three feelings, or any other feelings you have towards this topic of bloody ladies, comes up, just remind yourself that you matter. If someone ran up to you yelling that "someone is hunched over grabbing their abdomen in tears and blood was pooling around their pants", you'd have a visceral reaction and immediately find help. Though your period shouldn't be sending you to the hospital, we need to treat it with the severity that it deserves. Not as an ailment, but an untreatable condition. One that all women, born or not born with vajayjays, must endure. It doesn’t make us weaker. If anything, we're obviously stronger from all the pain. But above all, we are still human and we should not feel any shame, guilt, or frustration over allowing ourselves to rest. Period.

I look forward to seeing you in whatever form I appear. Until next time!

About the Author

Crystal Cabrae is a storyteller who specializes in writing dystopian, romantic, and adventurous worlds for animation and fantastical fiction. She is a proud graduate of Full Sail University, AMDA, and New World School of the Arts. Her six years of acting training in both New York and Miami gives her a unique perspective when approaching her characters. She has a passion for sharing how to create stories with the world and inspiring the storyteller that lives within all of us. Follow her on IG or Pinterest to know the latest.